Why Tiger Woods is Normal and Sex Rehab is Bullshit

20 02 2010

What the hell, people? Why is Tiger Woods banging some broads a big deal?

First off, the whole “sex rehab” thing is ridiculous. If you are certifiably Hypersexual (yes, that’s the real medical term that replaced nymphomania and satyriasis and yes, I realize it sounds awesome), then you can’t function in your everyday life without getting a nut. It’s a compulsion. There’s an excellent BBC documentary about people really dealing with it, and parts of it are heartbreaking and frightening. To put a group of people who are hypersexual together, to seclude them in a house or facility without proper restraints and medication, is just setting up a hookup. It’s a gangbang invite. These people have a medical condition, usually related to bipolar disorder, Alzheimer’s disease, and/or brain damage. It’s not so sexy now, is it? Most of these jackasses on TV who “need” sex rehab are douchebags who like to fuck and need an excuse for their very public promiscuity, or they are has-beens who “need” a career boost.

Tiger Woods does not have brain damage. Tiger can function in every day life, and do his job. He’s not leaving the fifth hole of the Masters to bang some guy’s wife on the sideline. He’s not a predator. He’s a dude with good looks, money, and fame, and can bang pretty much anyone he wants, anytime he wants. He’s not addicted; it’s just that sex is available to him on a level that most of us will never know. Yes, even you. He kept his private life out of the spotlight, for the most part, and thought that he could hide a series of hook-ups and booty calls from the Eye-of-Sauron-like media. He was wrong, as are all celebrities have the gall to think they are normal people, who can have normal lives. It’s sickening, the attention that is paid to the people on TV and movie screens, the cottage industry that has grown around the parasitic relationship between celebrities and the media. They are people, too. Tiger Woods is an athlete, not the Pope (whom everyone seems to have forgotten was Hitler Youth), and how many athletes have we seen bang every waitress and flight attendant in sight just because they can? So why is Tiger cheating on his wife such a shock?

I honestly can’t say that if I were in his position, I wouldn’t have done the same thing. Who hasn’t wanted the power to have any woman or man they wanted, to have people climbing over each other to bang your brains out? To be wanted on that level is just human nature. We are a pack animal, and part of our natural need to belong is wanting to be wanted, wanting to be fantasized about. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve heard say they’d bang Tiger if given half the chance, and now those same women are calling him a philandering bastard for letting women do exactly what they said they would do themselves. Hypocrisy on that level is an awe-inspiring thing.

I’ve heard plenty of guys say that he was stupid for putting himself in that situation, that he’s a role model and he should have been better than that. Bullshit. He still is a role model, it’s just like with any role model or idol, you take the good from them, and model yourself on that. Tiger’s only a man, and we men have a habit of thinking with our cocks. It’s cliché, but it’s true. You take any man, gay, straight, bi, any nationality, race, creed, religion, whatever, and you give him that much power, he’s going to end up in sex rehab too, making the same apologies, getting his ass kicked by his wife just like Tiger.

I’m not defending his actions, I promise. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, and you both have committed to being faithful to one another, then keep it zipped up. But don’t hold these celebrities up like saints or infallible heroes when they fuck up. They are human. This shit happens all the time in your neighborhood, and Dean down the block is not holding a press conference when he cheats on his wife with his secretary. Why? It’s his business, it’s a private matter between husband and wife. Why can’t we give these people the same privacy? I’ve read where people say “It’s the price of fame!” and “The public has a right to know!” Yeah? Who set that price? Who gave us that right?

We did. We the people empowered the media due to our boundless, insatiable curiosity. Only we empowered Corporate Media, not Real Journalism, and Corporate Media just wants to distract us while their shareholders fuck us in the ass. Why aren’t they standing at a podium, apologizing to us for telling us for decades what to think is important, while they anally violate us?

Whoops, sorry, gotta go. Some rapper I’ve never heard of just got in an altercation with Mitt Romney. THAT’S important, or at least the Associated Press tells me so.

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One response

21 02 2010
Joe

I don’t have an opinion on Tiger’s sex life, myself, because I don’t care for reality TV, so I haven’t watched anything about it. (I specifically filter that shit before it hits my brain) but I DO know that the AP, while interviewing the Dalai Lama, asked him his opinion on Tiger and his antics. No, seriously, they did.

The Dalai Lama’s answer (paraphrased by me): “Who the fuck is tiger woods?”

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/21/sports/golf/21sportsbriefs-Dalai.html

I can’t decide if it was worth the AP asking that almost insultingly absurd question to get that completely awesome answer.

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